Your Own Worst Critic

"This bowl is terrible," the potter says, eying a perfectly servicable bowl with a thick rim.

"I can't throw today," when the piece isn't quite matching the ideal version in their head or on the other potter's wheel.

"I really don't like how this turned out," while eyeing a perfectly lovely piece with a fluid but unplanned mix of colors.

We've all heard things like these - I've even heard them from my own mouth a time or two. Sometimes when we're feeling unhappy with our work or when something goes wrong, it feels safer to call it out ourselves - after all, that's better than the risk that someone else might do it. We know it won't come from me - we've covered that - but when I try to counter the overly-harsh critiques students level on themselves, I get a lot more pushback.

When the criticism is technically correct - the bowl is wonky, the rim is uneven, the glaze didn't work as planned - no amount of correction or support will get through. This often gets called "being my own worst critic." Usually with pride, as though being harsh about your own work is somehow beneficial.

Why do we do that? Is there any other thing - work, hobbies, relationships - where we actively seek to be the worst at it?

You're not your own most sharp-eyed critic. You're not your own most difficult to satisfy critic. Truly, the most accurate statement we make on this topic is that we're our own worst critic.

Partly that's because we see flaws that aren't there, or see only that something isn't exactly as we saw it in our mind's eye rather than recognizing the beauty of the real thing before us. But the real reason we're our own worst critic is because of how unkind we are, and the impact that has on everything else.

Now, Glass & Stone is a very welcoming and supportive place. When a new student gets their first piece off the wheel, there's usually applause. When someone finishes something they've struggled to accomplish, odds are high someone else will notice and call it out for supportive approval. While I'd come down hard on anyone who said someone else's piece was terrible, I've never actually had to.

The self-criticism, though? I try various ways to push back - my classes are used to hearing "hey, don't talk about my friend's art that way" or "I wouldn't let anyone else say that about your work, what gives you the right?" - but it usually falls on deaf ears. And that's the issue.

No one really argues that I shouldn't be supportive of new students, no one tells another student their work is awful, and no one would tell me I'm wrong to refuse to let someone do so. It's mean, and hurtful, and discouraging. So you don't tell them their bowl is uneven and heavy-bottomed - you celebrate that they made a bowl. You don't tell them their work is really looking terrible right now when they're having an off-day, you tell them the next one will be better, or help them diagnose the issue.

Now, if all of that is true - if the words of a stranger or acquaintance are powerful and impactful on the mood, pride, and ability of another person - wouldn't your own words aimed at yourself be just as powerful? Just as hurtful? Just as unfair and damaging?

There's room and reason to be self-critical. You can see that the piece doesn't match your plan, and want to figure out how to do it better. You can think about how a technique isn't working for you and want to improve it. But those things need to be supportive, just as much if not more than they would be directed to anyone else. I've lost count of the times I've seen a poor start to a throwing session turn into an entire bad day, just on the basis of telling yourself "I can't do this today!" You'll be absolutely right - not because of your ability, but because of the terrible feedback you're getting.

A good critic will point out the things that work as much or more than the things that don't. The walls aren't round? But look how consistent they are - that's harder. You can't get it centered? Well, you could last week - so let's consider the factors that might be getting in your way and how to fix them. A great critic will have nothing but praise for your work and achievement - while gently pushing you to do even better.

Quit being your own worst critic. Be your own best critic, instead.